Einfach Übel

Peter (after Lois tells him he’s childish): “If I’m a child that means you’re a pedophile, and I’ll be damned if i’m going stand here and take this from a pervert.”

****

Brian: And remember that time you had an Irish coffee the day we went to see Philadelphia?
(Scene cuts to Peter in the movie theater and everyone is crying, except him.)
Peter: I got it! Thats the guy from “Big,” uh–Tom Hanks! Funny guy Tom Hanks, everything he says is a stitch.
Tom Hanks’ Character: I have aids.
(Peter laughs hysterically.)

****

(Peter and Brain are in jail)
Brian: Uh, how was your shower?
Peter: Oh, I tell ya Brian, all the rumors about dropping the soap are true.
Brian: Really?
Peter: Oh yeah, you can’t hold onto that thing to save your life. Oh, it was slipping all
over the place. Guys were laughing.